I have officially found the most epic combination of words in the English language, “FLYING BEAR ATTACK!!!”
Ok, sorry, might be getting a bit ahead of myself. But I mean, COME ON!! If you had an opportunity to use that phrase wouldn’t you want to just skip to that part of the story? Let’s back up. Things in New York were slowing down a bit because of Clarisse and the Ares cabin showing up and beating the living shit out of a Drakon. Great as it was that they finally got off their asses and decided to help, it meant that camp was all but unguarded. Annabeth sent us to camp to support Thomas and Argus. We stole a helicopter from the local news crew. Slightly cooler ride than the old golf cart. Got most of the way to camp before having to make an emergency landing outside of Quogue, which is apparently a place and supposedly pronounced like the town from Family Guy.
Picked up the most beat up old truck I’ve ever laid eyes on from an old man renting tractors. Pretty Boy laid down his granddad’s necklace as collateral for the loaner. Didn’t even hesitate to do it. Good guy, fits in the group well. I think Tim’s happy to have someone else to fight monsters with that doesn’t just do the first thing that comes to mind in every situation. At least she’s been shaking her head in defeat and questioning how she ended up with us slightly less lately. The truck works, barely. Got plans to fix it up before we give it back to the old man. Figure worst case scenario the thing’s gonna be in great shape and will last him the rest of his life. Best case scenario we persuade him to let us keep it and I really trick it out and make a war wagon.
Had to make a detour to rescue Dick from his brothers, Phobos and Deimos. Assholes had him tied up in his chains and were torturing the hell outta him. Not just beating him, but making him live out his worst fears, because apparently that’s what family time is like when your a child of Ares. We tried to stage a rescue but these guys were full out gods. Luckily we’ve got a few gods on our side and they showed up just in time to give those two no-necks a hell of an ass-wuppin. Nox and Helios showed up with their daughters and like any bullies, fear and terror proved that they were useless in a fair fight. Damned cowards. I swear if Dick weren’t one of the most selfless and brave bastards I’ve ever met I’d think that Ares’ entire bloodline inherited a coward gene. Had to sacrifice poor Dick’s chain armor to appease his asshole father because unlike his other siblings he went to fight rather than using hurt pride as an excuse to hide like a bunch of chickens. I’ll have to look into making him a new suit of armor, maybe I can make something similar for him. Something that he can take off. Those chains were starting to smell.
We got on the road again, with the addition of the Neaderthal brothers’ fancy jeep. I was driving the truck with Dick riding shotgun and Gabe in the bed playing gunner while Tim and Pretty Boy took the jeep. We were making good time until we turned a corner and there ahead of us blocking the road like an overturned semi was our old friend the goddamned hydra. We’ve got to be some of the unluckiest half-bloods at camp! We’ve run into this stupid thing three times now!
The second I saw the thing I new what I had to do. I yelled to Dick to grab the wheel and be ready to floor it. I climbed out my window into the bed and told Dick to slam the brakes when I said to. I picked up Ruxpin, who’d been hanging out in his compact dog form, lined up my shot, waited till we were thirty feet away. I shouted for Dick to stop, pulled back my arm, and launched Ruxpin with all my strength, hitting his activation switch as I let go. FLYING BEAR ATTACK!!!
It couldn’t have worked better. The hydra got hit with 8000 pounds of bear traveling at 70 miles an hour and took a combo of celestial bronze teeth and claws right to the chest. It didn’t kill the thing, but it’ll think twice before messing with me and my bear. We all hopped out of our vehicles and jumped into the fight. Arrows, swords, hammer, and bear the thing was too slow and too distracted getting tackled by Ruxpin to put up much fight. It was tough though, no matter how many times we hit it, it just kept going. I heard somewhere that the hydra will regrow lost heads, but I think it regenerates from any cuts and bruises pretty quick. It finally managed to shake Ruxpin off of it and Dick did the most awesome thing I’ve seen him do ever. He leapedonto Ruxpins tail, ran across his back and launched himself sword first at the hydra. I swear he slid 5 feet down the thing’s chest dragging his sword with him like he was filleting a fish. That was enough. It was dead and dust before he hit the ground.
We finally made it to camp and after taking out some harpies helping Argus, we found Thomas and made it to the Big House. Thomas’ sword is broken, but he’s still got his knife and was using the Rod of Asclepius like a mace. When we got there, he used the rod, some wine from Mr. D’s private stash, a bunch of dragon’s teeth and his own blood to raise an army of dead warriors. Not just any dead warriors, half-bloods. Dick bought us some time by summoning a ring of swirling blades at the entrance to Thomas’ cave where monsters were coming out like a river, so we’re gearing up for our last stand. We went from five kids, one omniclops, a small dragon, and one old, tough camp councilor to an army in a matter of minutes. For the first time in days, it feels like we might actually have a shot in this fight.